While a joyful time of year, the festive period can be stressful enough on its own. Add to that the stress of impending entrance exams for your children, and it can become overwhelming for everyone. But don't despair: I'm here to help you through it.
It certainly can be overwhelming to deal with the stresses of exam season, but it's also very important that you manage your own stress and that of your children. Believe it or not, this is possible to accomplish: I've been through it myself with my own four children, and I'm very happy to share my advice, both personal and professional, for the best approach to take.
With another round of super important school-entry exams about to begin, my own nightmares are recalled. It is in the throes of exam period that I am most empathic to parents and their beautiful, angelic children (although I am unsure I used these words to describe my own children during this period—with 24 years of parenthood under my belt, things can get mixed up!). My plan to have four children very close together seemed like a fantastic idea at the time, but in exam season it became the bane of my life.
For years, every major school holiday, each child, each in a different age group, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, had an innumerable number of tests to revise for. When travelling, my suitcase would be overflowing with books and revision materials, often leaving me with little space for my own personal belongings. It’s safe to say things rarely ran as smoothly as I would have wanted. My own stress invariably set in long before the children broke up from school. There were outbursts, tantrums and plenty of tears, that was just from me. So often it felt like we all needed a holiday from the holiday.
Exams can be so tough. Years of learning, personal development and educational enrichment seem to come down to one assessment, whether at 7+ or A Level. Unfortunately, the pressure your child experiences can come from all sides—home, school and within themselves—and can be unrelenting for months on end. It is little surprise today, given all this and in a time of rising academic standards, that the NSPCC reports that exam stress is fast on the rise.
It is also unsurprising that stress is viewed as a negative, undesirable thing. Certainly, it can be extremely unpleasant and, if your child feels especially down-trodden by today’s exam system, as many do, you may feel that this is all too much, too young. I want to begin this article, however, with an important point: not all stress is bad. In fact, a low level of stress is a vital ingredient for success in exams and, indeed, in any life venture.
Stress helps your child focus and motivate themselves, during revision period and in the exam room. Without some stress, your child is very unlikely to care what happens, or, indeed, to do their best.
It is only when these stress levels spill over, leading to more pervasive anxiety, insomnia or even fatigue, that they can become damaging. In this light, I wanted to write this article as a guide to help you reduce your child’s exam stress and channel it positively.
As a parent, you naturally want the best possible results for your child, but it’s vital that you’re mindful of the pressure and standards you apply to them. Impractical expectations and overzealous parents only add to their children’s problems. So, if you’re worried about your child’s exams and the marks they might get, imagine how overwhelming the experience could be for them.
Everyone moves at a different pace; some children take exams in their stride, whilst for others, the very thought of them spurs extreme trepidation. Likewise, everyone has their own preferred methods of learning and revising. Your child may learn better with visual cues, sound, daytime, night time or group learning; whatever their preference you need to give them the space to feel their way and make their own revision-based choices. Your role as a parent should be to provide a home environment which accommodates these choices and is conducive to hard work.
Finally, exams are a challenging and stressful journey for parents and kids alike. I urge you to set your own fears to one side and put your child’s headspace first. Whilst it may seem a make-or-break moment, there is always life after the tests.
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