Now that January is behind us, along with the excitement and anxiety of exams and interviews, it's time to look ahead to what's next! I share my thoughts on best preparing your child for a school transition. No matter where they're coming from or where they're headed, moving into a new school is a momentous occasion for any child, and as parents we all want to do what we can to ease the transition.
Congratulations! The tests and interviews are long behind you and now comes the moment when the results envelope drops through the letterbox. I remember dreading February half-term, undecided on whether to venture abroad (would that only prolong the agony of waiting?) or stay at home, listening for any noises from the direction of the front door, waiting for that dreaded envelope.
With four children, many, many schools and who knows how many exams, I quickly learnt that a larger envelope is a more fortuitous sign.
Large envelopes contain more paper and forms to fill in, which usually means an acceptance. In the end, regardless of my growing envelope expertise, I was often so beset with anticipation that I ended up opening letters in the bathroom, away from others.
It is likely, if you are reading this, that you have already received your envelope, been through this rainbow of emotions and that you now have the results of your child’s recent entrance exams. Irrespective of how this went, of whether your child attained their first choice school or their fourth, there are big, exciting changes ahead. I write this article about these changes, with some of my own kernels of wisdom about how to help your child cope with the transition to senior school.
Moving school is one of the most significant transitions we can face in modern life, regardless of how young we are; it is an invariably scary, exciting, and challenging adventure. Some people spend their entire academic lives in one school; others change a number of times.
Regardless, when the time comes to move on and start afresh, it is a moment which can be as intense for your child as the time they spent in the exam room or under the interviewer’s scrutiny. In a matter of months, they will be closing the door on familiarity and opening up to an entirely new community.
From the outset, for their peace of mind, the best approach is try to involve your child with this change, including him or her as much as you can in the actual process of moving. This will show them that you are putting their needs first, helping them better come to terms with the change and envision the exciting moments ahead.
The first thing to discuss is departure. It may be that your child is itching to get going and can’t wait to see the back of primary school. However, in my experience, it’s more likely that they will find leaving difficult. Young or old, it’s often when we have to move on that we realise our emotional attachment is all encompassing, and we even bring out the rose-tinted glasses!
It’s likely that your child has spent their entire formative years in their outgoing school, and developed a deep attachment to the place, teachers, routine, friends and even their own status amongst them.
It’s important that you give them the space to express any sadness or even nostalgia at what is coming to an end and help them come to terms with moving on — growing up is full of disjunctures like this, but the important thing is that the friendships they have made, experiences and skills they developed, will continue to enrich their lives for years to come.
Help your child to savour their memories, from my children’s experience I would say that trusted friendships from their primary school were often the ones that lasted and that they relied upon.
Several relationships were lost for the first few years of secondary school, as children settled into their new environment, creating their new beginnings. However, those relationships were often rekindled when their paths crossed again at parties and social gatherings.
Nonetheless, encouraging your child to retain friendships will help them soften the transition of moving on.
The unknown has a habit of making us fearful, knowing what to expect makes the transition much easier even to children who are totally self-assured, it is likely that they will feel intimidated or nervous in some way.
New surroundings, unfamiliar faces and undoubtedly different learning standards make the transition to a new school stressful for most students. Indeed, for some children, these negative feelings can spill over into more pervasive self-doubt and rumination about all sorts of horrible things that could happen in their new surroundings.
It is important, in discussions about what comes next, that you and other members of the family are as enthusiastic as possible whilst empathising and listening to them. Let them know it’s normal to feel apprehensive.
With your guidance, they can unpick their worries and think positively about the exciting changes ahead. I am confident that before you know it, you will all be feeling completely at ease and at home in your new school.
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